It's official. After today, my summer vacation is over.
As I was putting E down for his nap it hit me that this would be the last week day I have off until G-unit decides to make his arrival. It's the last Monday that we'll have together - just the two of us. When I started to think about this, the tears began streaming down my face. It makes me sad to think that our one-on-one time is winding down. It won't be just E any longer. As happy as I am to meet G and have him join our family, it makes me sad for E.
I keep telling Paul that we can't forget the little things that make E who he is as a person. How he likes to retell moments when he has been injured by using sound effects and fake crying. How he loves to run up behind you while you're sitting down and jump on your back and hug your neck and give you kisses. How when he's tired and you ask him if he wants to go to sleep, he says "Dis" (yes). How he flirts with an open mouth with women. How he gives kisses as though he's European - one kiss on each cheek. How he loves to sing "Wheels on the Bus, 1-2-3-4, Milkshake" and watch freight trains on You Tube. How he loves to be swung by his dad and play in his tent when P gets home from work. How when he sees me getting ready to shower, his face lights up and he yells "Mama!" while signing for milk and pointing at my chest. How his little hands feel so soft and gentle when he plays with my hair and rests his head on my shoulders. How he will will squeal with delight when he goes swimming and tries to drink the water instead of blowing bubbles. How he likes to hold his plastic screwdriver or plastic golf club or wire whisk when he takes a nap. There's so many more...
I'm afraid that I will forget these little things when I have another little guy to look after.
1 comment:
I wish I could say you are wrong...
but you are not.
I cried every time I thought about this stuff because I was so sad for Matthew. And everyone said "you are giving him the greatest gift of a sibling."
okay- that is true, but not at first. It is so hard at first and of course, E will love G, but it is sad to know it is not just the 3 of you anymore. It is very easy to get really focused on baby#2 and gloss over the first because you are tired/busy...etc.
Plus- then you feel bad because think of how much attention E got when he was a baby. Baby#2 will not get that much focused attention. Then the guilt starts in...#1 is being ignored and feels less special. #2 will never know what it is like to only have your total attention...
ugh.
I did not want to make you feel bad- but to let you know that I went (and am going through) the same exact things and you are not alone in those feelings. Everything will be okay!!!
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