Sleep

I haven't posted too much in the past week or so. It's been crazy, as life always is. After much talking with Paul and discussing our options, we decided to start using the Ferber Method with Evan.

Typically, our nights went like this: bath, pajamas, story, nurse, burp, nurse, sleep, put in crib, wake up an hour later, try to get back to sleep, play, nurse more, burp, nurse, sleep, put in crib, wake an hour later, nurse to sleep, put in crib, wake three hours later, bring to our bed, nurse some more, fall asleep nursing (both Evan and myself), boob falls out, wake, try to shush to sleep, nurse, sleep, both wake after I move to find a more comfortable position at the bottom of the bed, shush, nurse, sleep, wake a few hours later, shush, nurse, sleep, alarm goes off to get up for work.

So Saturday, the 5th, was the big day. We went to Borders to buy Dr. Ferber's book and read it that day. As night came, we gave Evan a bath, put on his pajamas, nursed, and read two books, gave him his goodnight kisses, laid him in his crib for bed, and turned on his lullaby music. We left the room and with a few moments, the crying began...for Evan and me.

Paul and I decided to take turns that night to check on him, soothe him, and let him know that we were still here. He cried for an hour that night. It had to be the most painful thing that I have done so far as a parent. (Even now, 4 days later, I can still hear his most desperate cry in my head and how much it hurt me to hear and see him wanting so much to be comforted and held and shushed to sleep. I still have a heavy heart and cry when I think about it.) That night I couldn't stop asking Paul if it made us bad parents and if we were doing the right thing for him. He woke again at midnight and cried again for an hour while Paul went in every few minutes to comfort him. I couldn't do it. I would hear him cry from our room and watch him on the monitor. All I could do was cry. The rest of the night, I heard Evan make a few noises, but he didn't wake until 7 am.

The next day, he didn't sleep for his first nap. We decided to go to the park and take Layne for a walk. As we were heading back to the car, Evan made grunting noises and fell asleep in the stroller. He was able to take a second nap later in the day. That night, Evan cried for 15 minutes, made his angry/yelling/grunting noises and fell asleep.

On Monday, my mom wasn't too happy with us. Although she doesn't agree with our choice, she knows she has to follow it. (I know you love your grandson and you hate to hear him cry, Mom!) Monday evening was the best by far. Evan was put to bed, cried for 4 minutes, quieted down, played with his feet and his comfort cross, then went to bed after 8 minutes....silently!

Tonight, Evan was put into his crib, cried for a few minutes, then immediately began his noises and fell asleep after about 25 minutes (I think we may have put him down just a few minutes too early!) He's now happily sleeping in his crib.

Since we started, once Evan has initially fallen asleep around 7:00 pm, he sleeps until 3:00 am without a single waking. He gets fed at 3:00 and put back into bed where he falls asleep by 4 and wakes again between 6 and 7 am. What a difference the past few nights have been.

Even though Paul and I are having withdrawals from having Evan in our bed and having him fall asleep in our arms, we also are thinking about what he's gaining:

- GREAT sleep at night
- being able to soothe himself when he wakes
- reduced spit up at night (my side of the bed would constantly be covered in baby spit up from nursing so much at night)

I always said that I would never be able to let my baby cry himself to sleep, but I have. I never thought I would co-sleep either, but I have. I never thought I would exclusively breastfeed for *almost* 6 months, but I have.

I guess that as a parent, you never really know what you'll do in a situation until it arises. All you can hope is that in the end you've made the right choice.

Evan, I love you more than I could ever say. Sleep tight and I'll see you the morning.